2011 has begun and I'm sure a million blog posts on the new year have already been posted. I really just want to think a bit about 2010 and write down my those thoughts because so much happened in one year, its pretty incredible.
My mom likes to start new traditions in the family, especially if she's heard it on her Christian talk radio - which is funny also because I'm 25 and the youngest sibling is 15.. so its kind of weird to start "new traditions" when people are already older and kind of used to how they grew up. But they're not bad suggestions (normally) so we dont mind.
What has happened in the past couple of years is my mom's insistence that we not only commit to make New Years resolutions but also to give Jesus a gift for Christmas (as his birth is the reason for our celebration). It sounds cheesy and strange, but honestly if a follower of Christ sincerely evaluates his/her walk and relationship with their Savior, it makes complete sense.. and in actuality should probably happen more than once a year. Obviously, the gift itself isnt necessarily a physical gift.. (because thats just weird).. but its the idea of giving Him something in return out of love as he has bought us at a great price -- His blood (1 Corinth 6:20). This gift might be time spent with Him, a donation to a charity, resolving to love the poor, reconciling a broken relationship.. it can be whatever. Reflection and prayer usually brings about the best idea.
Last year, I wanted to give Jesus my trust... my trust and belief in the following verse:
"For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his good purpose.." Romans 8:28
I admit that after three/four years of things not going my way and feeling very much in a holding cell, like a failure, and doomed to live an ordinary life, I really was not a fan of this verse. To be frank, I didnt believe it. And I certainly didnt believe the other usually cited verse for such circumstances: 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
In fact, I believed these verses were plenty applicable to everyone else. Just not me. So, I resolved in 2010 to trust that Christ loved me and actually have good things in store for me.
Additionally, because of a service trip in November of 2009 with Watermark to Galveston to rebuild homes affected by Hurricane Ike, I came across a verse that stuck with me:
"Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders; make the most of every opportunity" Colossians 4:5
The idea of using wisdom in my actions really stuck me. To be intentional in how I acted towards people, to intentionally love and serve - that is what I wanted - and to think about actively doing so in every opportunity was such a new way of thinking for me. To me, this was the most immediately applicable way to place others above me and to love those who do not know Him.
So along with those two verses in mind, I also resolved on a non-spiritual sense to write more songs.. to force myself to keep up with some music stuff.
2010 immediately began in blessings.
I was offered a job to work on voiceovers for on-hold messaging. Completely random, but it was great because I actually got to use some skills acquired through school. I was equally stoked to have an opportunity to meet new people - and to immediately apply Colossinas 4:5.
Immediately, the company went through tumultuous times. Within a month, I saw, within a 12-person company, somebody fired, somebody quit and somebody demoted. I was given a raise, promoted and given an office with a window (which was the most exciting part for me). It was stressful and insane. Yet, clearly, the Lord had his hand on me.
After about two months on the job (past the insanity), I became bored. I could do all my days work in an hour or two and then would have about six hours left to fill. The work was not challenging, and when I am not challenged, my soul starts to die. Dont get me wrong, I made some great friends in the office and grew much in experience in the corporate/office setting.. but it killed my soul for my work to be simple and not purposeful. I felt as if my heart was crying out, hoping to be rescued.
In late February, my old undergrad advisor/theory professor emailed me regarding a "Composition Fellowship Opportunity" at the University of Louisville. Deadline for the application and a GRE score was March 15. Called a "Bomhard Fellowship" it offered free tuition, a generous stipend, health benefits, and no duties.... For an MM in Music Composition. Too good to be true, and too good for me. Those were my thoughts anyways, but I figured, what the heck.. why not apply.. it would at least keep me occupied during my 6 hours of boredom each day.
Normally, when I apply for these sorts of things, I begin the application extremely far in advance, write drafts and drafts of personal statements, become ridiculously annoying regarding recommendation letters, and essentially completely overthink and overprepare. With about three weeks to do this all, I didnt have enough time to follow my normal excessive routine. I took the GRE (and did miserably) and somehow got off a decent portfolio and application in time.
I expected to receive my rejection letter a few weeks later (as this had become the normal pattern for the last 4 years of applications), so you can imagine my complete surprise when Dr. Speck called me a few weeks later with the offer. I didnt even interview. I went up and visited Louisville, just to make sure that the people there werent crazier than the ones I currently worked with. (And sidenote, they are crazy, but it is in the normal music nerd sense, and of which I am plenty accustomed and a regular contributor). I had a great time meeting new people, and I signed my life away to U of L for the next two years.
I quit my job in late June.. mainly so that I could travel to London and Turkey for a few weeks with the family. And then moved to Louisville on August 10.
I absolutely love it in Lousiville. I dreaded it for a while because I thought it would be podunk Kentucky, but it is a neat, neat city. Its a lot like Austin, TX - tons of culture, great music, great people. I've made some great friends with some phenomenal people. And I mean come on, I'm being paid to write whatever music I want without any other duties or obligations. This is (predictably) never going to happen again in my life. I'm having a blast.
Life changed so quickly and so suddenly. After spending 4 years like a failure, afraid that I'd never leave Dallas or do anything significant in my life, it had been decided, in the timespan of a month, that I would move to Louisville, KY and pursue my heart's desires. Craziness.
So, now how can I ever deny that the Lord does indeed work for the good of those who love Him? Or that He does indeed have plans to prosper and not to harm me? He poured out blessings on me this past year. And it wasnt even limited to a career change or relocation. I had so many amazing opportunities in 2010:
- a trip to Portland, OR with a great Dallas friend
- backpacked a bit of the Pacific Crest Trail with an old college friend.
- Saw Jonsi twice and Imogen Heap in concert
- traveled to Turkey and swam in the Bosphorous Cross-Continental Race from Asia to Europe
- backpacked the Grand Canyon
- worked on "Legends of Sports" talk radio show and called up some of the biggest legends of sports
- camped in the Red River Gorge
- bought a Hammond organ, electric violin, keyboard, and handheld recorder
- began cello lessons
- put up a website
- had the most amazing surprise birthday/wine tasting party ever.
- spent Thanksgiving in Kalamazoo, MI
- played some live gigs with some great bands
- experienced a record snowfall of 12" in Dallas, TX
- made so many great new friends
- took part in weddings of very dear friends
- learned how to become pretentious about beer
- written lots and lots of music
The list could go on, but I am really just in awe of how sweet Jesus has been to me this past year.
Even sweeter is his grace of giving me perspective of His plan for the past four years that I have referred to as a time of "failure." I see it now not as times of failure, but times of training, and times of developing sweet community and friends.
The night my amazing family and friends turned my wine tasting party into a surprise birthday/goodbye party will always be one of my favorite memories. I realized how spending three years back at home with family was not in the least bit lost. The time spent at Watermark and BSF was not at all ineffective. I have lifelong friends that genuinely love and support me and I do my best to love and support them. Dallas is where I grew up as a kid, but it is now also where I really grew in community and faith and trust - in Christ.
So, as I begin this year, I want to know Christ more; I want to learn to pray well; I want to learn how to pray. Most of all, I want to see how He answers prayer and to see even more how faithful He is -- because my hope is that as I do, others will as well, and they will find peace and joy in Him.
2010 was sincerely the best year of my life. I cannot wait to see what 2011 holds.